Hallie Lipsey for SBP

It's February in Chapel Hill: Basketball is getting into full-swing, seniors are really starting to stress about jobs and the temperature is fluctuating from beautiful spring day to holy $@#! it's cold! It's also that wonderful time of year when 20 million a-frame signs litter the Pit and obnoxious students hold signs and hand out fliers full of empty promises and unattainable goals. Yep, it's campus elections time!!!

This year, six clowns candidates are vying for the prestigious position of Student Body President. To the victor goes the spoils of a way too overloaded senior year, going to countless meetings, being constantly critiqued by the Daily Tar Heel, and one seat on the Board of Trustees!!

Candidates platforms, which are plastered online and on ugly signs, offer promises such as: wireless in every dorm! cap on tuition increases! Alpine Bagel in Davis Library! Wait...what? Oh jeez.

So how are our callow candidates going to deliver on these promises? Uh, well, they can't. Let's be honest, they have all the real power of an organ grinder monkey. They have one seat on the Board of Trustees. One seat out of 12. Do you really think the big-wigs take them seriously?

That's why I've decided to vote for Hallie Lipsey:

Now there are some changes that I can believe in. So here's my pitch: if you don't care about who wins SBP, don't just pick some name from the list or pick the one that annoys you least. Vote for Hallie Lipsey. I don't even know if this is a real person, but either way it will send a message to the candidates. Maybe then they'll stop annoying me on the way to Lenoir and stop promising me things that I know they can't do.

On second thought, it probably won't help. But it would be funny as hell.

Hallie Lipsey for SBP!!

UPDATE: I've heard from multiple sources and just enough Facebook stalking to find out that Hallie is a real person. Whether she or a friend is behind it, I'm not sure. Either way, this person is still my hero.

UPDATE 2: So I keep getting comments about this post, and here's the latest. From an anonymous commenter: "I'm a friend of hers, and I'm pretty sure she didn't know about it until someone showed her (IE she was walking through the pit and her jaw dropped when she saw the board). Which makes it hilarious."

This story might be worth digging a little more into. Anyone have any more information? Hit me up in the comments.


Salvation Holdout said...

Ron Bilbao is the devil. If he wins I'm going to firebomb that school.

Anonymous said...

It's a real person - she's a junior at UNC.

Anonymous said...

I heartily endorse Hallie Lipsey. Knowing 3 of the 6 candidates, I can say that none of them are particularly qualified.

Anonymous said...

I'm a friend of hers, and I'm pretty sure she didn't know about it until someone showed her (IE she was walking through the pit and her jaw dropped when she saw the board).

Which makes it hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Hallie Lipsey can do the moonwalk!

Seriously, write in Hallie Lipsey - the only SBP candidate making any sense.

Anonymous said...

She totally exists... and she totally rocks. Even if she didn't know about the signs, there is no one better qualified for the job. She's great in Mock Trial at UNC, is super involved, and is beyond smart.

Andrew Dunn said...

The DTH talked to Lipsey over the weekend. Here's her response:

Anonymous said...

Join the Facebook group, Heels for Hallie.

We can do this, my friends.

Anonymous said...

Manu, you're crazy insane, lol.

Hallie, I loves you!!

Anonymous said...

This seems like the type of candidate I can endorse. Finally someone who makes sense! Heels for Hallie!

Anonymous said...

her environmental platform promises an orange monkey habitat in the arboretum and her safety platform has a plan for a velociraptor awareness day. they sound like great ideas to me! plus, hallie is very sweet, smart, and hardworking.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I'm writing in Hallie Lipsey, even though her sign keeps falling over. If you see it fall, do the right thing. Either right it, or knock over all the other signs. Seriously.

Anna said...

Thanks for bringing the best candidate to the forefront, Corey. A fine example of the superlative journalism CoreyInscoe.com is known for. :D

She's got my vote, anyhow.

Salvation Holdout said...

Wow. This blew up.